A Pocket Full of...: March 2015

“I have died every day

Waiting for you

Darlin’ don’t be afraid

I have loved you for a

Thousand years

I’ll love you for a

Thousand more”

Many people have had questions and inquired what it was like.
And so this is how my home birth story happened:

Saturday, February 7th at 7:30am, I was awoken by some uncomfortable cramping. By the 3rd feeling of menstrual cramps I decided to get up. I didn't want to lay there feeling like I would just be enduring them. So I decided to get up and start my morning. Shawn slept in a little longer and while he slept I wrote a few more 'thank you' cards for baby shower gifts.

It was a quiet morning. I sat in the living room writing, thinking, writing, pondering: I've had these cramps before, but could this be it? Could THIS be the day? Could it? Just COULD IT? I'm 40 weeks and 2 days along. I mean if it isn't today, then when? ....I continue on writing, wishing, and writing.

About an hour later Shawn woke up and made us breakfast. His delicious sausage gravy on toast. It's so delicious because we say it's made with love. (Awww...)

I used the restroom before breakfast and when I did, I discovered fluid. WE HAVE FLUID! Not much fluid like my water had really broke, but fluid nonetheless. This COULD be the day!!! We immediately called our midwife to tell her, and even with her excitement Shawn and I remained calm and knew that this could still be a false alarm; no need to get worked up just yet. She asked us to just keep her posted, calling her back around 1pm.

As we ate breakfast, we knew we should probably eat substantially because we could have a very long day ahead of us, not knowing just how long it would end up being. We small talked calmly, patiently, and made a plan for the day. If this is it, then we definitely needed a plan. We would walk the property. A lot. We would do some light cleaning and make Caleb his birthday cake. It sounded like the perfect day for us! Perfect for our family!

As we made several rounds on the property the contractions were definitely coming. Not painful but all encompassing of my belly. We kept them charted; some 4 minutes apart while others would be 20 minutes. No rhyme or reason but they were there. Without saying it to eachother, I think we both knew that this was the real deal. The last day as just Shawn and Sarah. The last as a family of two. We knew our son was coming.

By Saturday afternoon my mom, dad, sister, and midwife were here. My midwife confirmed that I was in labor. Hearing those words, my heart starts to flutter- I'll be meeting my son in a matter of hours. We are down to hours! It was so nice having the afternoon to be able to still talk, laugh, and walk with my mom and sister around the property, even being in early labor. Contractions still all encompassing but very manageable. It was a warm winter day and we all were happy that our family was growing and changing and would soon be different again, and for the better.

This early labor lasted for hours longer so everyone decided to head home and get rest, while Shawn and I were still doing great on our own.

It was 9pm when Shawn and I went to bed. The house was quiet and empty again, and Shawn and I were still just two. We had such a nice time relaxing in bed just talking about how the day went. This would be the last time we would go to bed just the two of us in this house. At 9:30 I told Shawn we needed to start timing the contractions again. They were getting stronger, quicker, and they were running from my sternum down into my thighs. I stayed in bed for a couple of hours just meditating and trying to take in this experience. I didn't want to run from it. I wanted to soak it in. I wanted to feel what my body was doing. I wanted this.

Around 11ish, I told Shawn I wanted to get in the shower. The hot water running over me felt so good and really eased each contraction. As the labor continued on into the next day I would be in and out of the shower several more times. Tread, one of my best friends, even jokingly made the comment that no one could use the bathroom with someone always being in the shower. LOL! I was so glad when she showed up around 1am. Even though by the time she arrived I was in and out of focus, exhaustion, and moaning, I was grateful to have her. She keeps life light hearted!

By 5:30am my midwife shows up and checks my progress; 7-8cm. YES!!!! I am already so far along!!! Just a little bit longer and Caleb Henry will be here! Just a little longer!!! YEAH!!! ....then I stall....and stall....and keep stalling....for HOOOOUUUUURRRRRSSSS.

The rest of the laboring goes as follows: contractions every 2-3minutes, in and out of the shower, in and out of the birth tub, laying in bed napping, sipping on Coke, moaning, the house full of laughter and then silent as though it were empty. Lots of food was eaten by everyone thanks to my mom. The birth tub was continually heated by pots of hot water from the stove, the main breaker being tripped, and Tread coaching me into transition positions to get this baby out! The day was long for everyone!

Approximately around 4pm, Tread's sister, Erin (another home-birthing-mama) arrives, high fives my husband at the front door and heads straight to my side. She takes over on the coaching and cheering, and is a major boost to my spirit. My moral had stalled with my progression and she was what I needed. Reminding me to relax my jaw, relax my glutes and to open my hips. After a short talk with me and my midwife we decided to break my water. I remember my midwife saying once my water is broke "there is no going back". And immediately after the gush of water came, I knew what she meant. The hardest contraction yet and my first uncontrollable urge to push.

The pushing urges came and there was relief in each push. Yes it was intense but it was bearable. I could feel my baby coming through the birth canal. I felt him working and my body working, in sync as one. Each contraction, another urge to push. I've heard women talk about that pushing urge and now I got it. You can't stop it. I'd push until the contraction was over. Sometimes the pushes felt so hard that if I didn't release air through a scream or grunt my head would explode. I could feel how close his head was to coming out and then it finally did. FINALLY his head was out! I remember my midwife saying the next push would get him out. After 34 hours it came down to my last contraction. My last push. This would be it! The last break between contractions seemed the longest. Just waiting for it seemed abnormally energizing, too. I whispered softly, "I can do this. I'm designed for this." I can still hear my mom saying to me, "You ARE doing this. You ARE designed for this. I'm so proud of you." I needed that long break for the hardest and what seemed like the longest push yet.

Then he was out. HE'S OUT!

Caleb Henry breathed his first breaths. He cried. Others cried. I was soaking it all in. Him. What just happened. The day. The people standing around me. Soaking it up. Speechless.

Love. Oh my Great God, love!

Lord, I am not worthy that You should enter under my roof,

but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.

Thank you, Lord, for entering....