There's more to birth than just the birth day. It's everything leading up to that moment. A combination of all my fears, worries, excitement, joy, and sometimes sadness. All my expectations built on my last birth experience. This day piled on top of the last, and the last one piled on top of the one before. Every moment from the last 41 plus weeks has brought me here. Has brought us here. And in one last push, there are 4 people living, breathing, and nurturing each other under one roof.
This is Virginia Lily Pearl's birth story….
For weeks leading up Lily Pearl's arrival I had about 4 false alarms.
One of which consisted of 10 hours of contractions, food arriving to the house,
laps around the property, and my midwife thinking it'd be any time. That was 12
full days before she actually came, so to say the least, when actual labor
started, I shrugged it off as being another potential false alarm.
Friday night, April 6th just before going to bed I did my usual
bathroom visit. That's when I discovered bloody show. In my mind, being
conservative on alerting anyone, I think to myself in a causal manor, I'll let Juliet know, but I'm sure it means
nothing. She told me that labor will probably start in the middle of the
night. I wanted to get excited, but still not getting worked up over it.
At 2am I was tossing and moaning from the contractions that seemed to
have sprung from nowhere. They were immediately intense and too uncomfortable
to just lie in bed. Shawn and I paced the kitchen and bedroom. I swayed. I leaned
forward. I breathed slowly and rhythmically. 60 long minutes of strong
contractions in the dead of night as Caleb slept in the next room. And just as
quickly they came, they quickly went. Everything I thought I knew about labor
was whisked away at 3am when I was able to go back to sleep and surrender to
the fact that this baby was never coming out of me.
The next morning started as any typical morning at our house.
Breakfast, toddler pull-up change, cartoons, and running around with a mood
swinging 3yo. I had mild cramping but nothing horrible. No irregular discharge.
Just basic late-pregnancy discomfort. I remember feeling well rested, alert,
and full of energy. Shawn, Caleb, and I baked the most AMAZING double chocolate
cookies and just enjoyed the morning together.
(Then somewhere around lunch my memory and time escaped me….only thing I
remember in this time is my midwife coming over around lunch and manually
opening my cervix and my parents getting Caleb.)
After my parents picked up Caleb, Shawn and I hung out in the living
room watching tv, pausing whatever mindless show we were watching when a
contraction would come on - strictly because I couldn't stand any noise. I needed
silence to focus. It was a couple of hours of intense surges that made my palms
sweat and heat rush through my body, and all the while I'm still thinking, this probably isn't labor because it's so
different than my last one. This must be another false alarm. The only ones
at this time who knew of the state I was in were Shawn, Juliet - my midwife,
and myself. I felt silly letting anyone know, because what if this isn't it
again? I've, unknowingly, cried wolf a few times so why would anyone take me
seriously now? These contractions were sharp, and didn't come on gradually and
ease their way back out. They were intense from second 1 to second 6 million.
(Ok, it just seemed like they lasted that long.)
As I get older I realize the impact
silence has on a person's control.
There's more order in silence. More
focus.
Shawn and I were still home alone. He had gone into the other room
while I stood in the living room by myself when the next surge came on. It was
by far the most intense one I had up to this point and I dropped to my knees. I
clung to the couch, rocking my hips, feeling like I've lost all control and there's
no way I'd be able to continue on. Thank God my phone was nearby as I
desperately called my doula to come…now! I remember telling her I couldn't do
this without her. Erin's voice was calm and reassuring, and I feel like deep
down she knew I needed her to be that way. I needed to feed on her confidence
when I felt like I had lost all of mine. She stayed on the phone with me
through the next contraction and listened to my tones. She reminded me to go
deeper with them and stay away from the higher pitches. Oh boy did that help!
That small, but powerful, reminder perked me and reminded me that I CAN DO
THIS. I CAN manage these contractions.
They started to get so intense I got into the shower to ease them, and
I can say with all honesty the shower didn't ease anything other than my mind.
The sharp, deep contractions were still there but the warmth gave me enough
comfort to gain control of my reaction to them. That's when I told myself,
"Sarah, you don't have to make a sound. Relax your jaw. Close your eyes.
Don't move. Just. Stand. Still."
And it worked.
I had control again over my labor. Over my body. Over my noises. But
more importantly I had control over how I perceived the pain. The pain wasn't
controlling me anymore. I gave in to it. I breathed through it and with it. My
body and my mind were finally working together for an ultimate goal.
At 8pm my doula arrived and met me at the bathroom.
Funny side note: Erin is a retired
collegiate volleyball player and is very tall. I remember opening the bathroom
door and seeing unfamiliar shoes greeting my gaze. My eyes slowly kept going up
and up and up to see who these shoes belonged to. By the time my eyes reached
her waist I knew exactly who it was. I asked her, "Have you grown?"
Half joking. Half serious. 100% trying to get my mind off of the contractions.
Erin knew of my history with having a ROA positioned baby. Not the most
preferred position to deliver a baby, especially one the size of Lily Pearl.
She got me into the Miles Circuit to help Lily Pearl get rotated into optimal
position. This is where things got dark.
Each position is held for 30 minutes and I remember asking, "How
much longer? How much longer?" At this point, time seemed to have stood
still. THE MOST INTENSE PAIN I'VE EVER FELT! I felt myself wanting to crawl
away from my own body. My toes curled. My hands gripped Shawn's. My body moved
and dug into the bed while trying to remain in the position. Erin was patient
with me. My thoughts bounced between cursing and prayer. Son of a bitch I don't know if I can do this. Please, Jesus, help me. I
was losing my mind!
30 minutes of position 2 ended. Position 3 started. 2 very strong
contractions in this position and the slightest desire to push came on. I kept
from pushing because in the back of my mind it didn't feel like it was time.
Shortly after starting this position I had to use the restroom, and another
strong contraction came on while I was on the toilet. A lot of discharge came
with it. I told both Shawn and Erin that I needed to get into the tub.
(These are demo pics of the positions:)
Immediately after getting in, (like, seriously, I don't know if my butt
hit the bottom yet) my water broke. Yes! Yes! Yes! We are close! Shortly after
a short contraction, I flip over with my chest and arm over the side of the
tub. I gripped Shawn's hand as the next contraction came and I couldn't help
but push. I mentally needed her out. I couldn't stand this anymore. The first
push I felt her move through the birth canal. GLORIOUS feeling!
Another push. More movement down.
Another push. I was now able to feel her head and all her hair.
Another push. I asked my midwife how much more was out. Her eyebrows.
Another push. "Are you catching her or me?" I asked my
midwife. "We'll do it together."
I feel my midwife reaching in for baby girl's shoulders to assist them out
and it tugs on my pelvis bone. Not painful, just weird.
Another push. Virginia Lily Pearl is out!
I pulled her up to my chest. She made a small gasp for air then stops.
My midwife took her from my arms and started rubbing a towel vigorously on Lily
Pearl's back. She gasped again, then stopped. Rubbing continued. Another gasp.
Baby girl was blue but gasping. My midwife continued to rub and finally Lily
Pearl took a big breath and started clearing out her throat with her strong
lungs. Her color quickly changed to a beautiful rosey color.
She's here. She's in my arms. She's our rainbow baby.
Virginia Lily Pearl
April 7th, 2018
9lb 13oz
10:42pm
