sweat

When I think of cleansing, I think gross, nasty, and simply disgusting thoughts. I think of a 2 week chalk-drink program that makes you lose everything including your self dignity. I think of a line from the book, I'm With Fatty where Edward embarrassing tells his vulgar tale of a colon cleanse experience saying, I get to my car and with no warning, I shit myself. Cleansing just doesn't sound like something I want to do. Nope not for me.

That brings me to this point. When I think of cleansing, I sure as heck don't think of yoga. Thank goodness no one said if I try yoga it'll be like a cleanse, because frankly, I wouldn't have gone. I don't need to be doing a downward dog, and I cleanse myself.

So why am I relating yoga with a cleanse? Because that is exactly what it is. Yesterday completed my first week of Bikram Yoga. It's hot. A whopping 104 degrees hot. It's humid. Like breathing jello, as my husband would say. And it's 90 minutes long. Yes 90. For an hour and a half I breath, sweat, stretch, cramp, repeat. It's exhausting. Both physically and mentally.

All students have to stay completely silent for the entire 90 minutes. Only the teacher talks. So here is the continual conversation between the teacher and my inner thoughts...

Let's go into Dandayamana Dhanurasana.

What did she just say? How many a's are in that word? I'll have to count later.

All your weight on your left leg, locking the knee, grab the inside of your right ankle. Extending the the left arm over head.

Okay. This isn't so bad. I'm a little wobbley but I think I can do this. Oh, uh, oh no I'm falling....shoo, glad I didn't land on the lady beside me.  I'll try again. Left leg locked, right ankle grab. Nope that wasn't it. Twist the hand around and then grab. Okay got it now.

Once you have your left knee locked, start kicking the right leg out and back towards the wall. Leaning forward with your head.

What? Are you serious? I'm happy standing upright on one leg. I'm going to end up on my face, lady. Oh man I don't want to be the only one in the class not doing it. Damn peer pressure. Here we go...

Lean completely forward making a 90 degree angle between your left leg and torso. Kicking harder and keeping that left leg locked.


I get it. Lock it. But I'm not making no 90 degree angle. How can I hold this when I have so much sweat in my eyes I can't even see the mirrored wall in front of me. I don't think I can hold this any longer. I'm dying. The sweat from my hands, legs, feet, ankles are making me lose my grip. I never knew my ankles could sweat.  Oh crap! Cramping! PLEASE God how long are we holding this pose?  

Kick the right leg. Kick and kick and kick and kick.

I'M KICKING! ----------------------thoughts go blank--------------------------.

And relax.

Oh. 85 minutes to go.




As torcherous as this may sound, it really is quite pleasant. I know you're probably thinking, why would anyone ever do this, I'm never going to do it, that sounds horrible, I still recommend everyone try atleast once in their life. It is a purifying practice. It is a true cleanse. Leaving everything you have on your mat. Sweat will drip from places you never thought possible, and it feels good. Already in one week, I'm noticing a difference.

Yes it's hot. Yes it's long. Yes it's hard. But YES it's worth it! Wish me luck on my Bikram Yoga journey!

5 weeks to go....